- Beyonce
How could you not do Ring The Alarm? I am so disappointed. I haven't ever heard this song "Irreplaceable" before. Now I know why. Yawn.
-Britney Spears presents an award
I prayed Britney wouldn't wear something horribly Housemother-Out-On-The-Town as she has been lately. But she did. And I will probably never have the opportunity, but I'm pretty sure I could do a better job of reading my lines than she did. All she had to say was "Hey y'all, let's give out an award. The nominees are..." and she somehow massacred it anyway.
-Pussycat Dolls
My "Guilty Pleasure to the 23rd Power" song. I can't not think of Nick Hexum when I see the singer Nicole ever since my friend alerted me to their dating history. Earlier during the Red Carpet interview, Ryan Seacrest asked the group if there was any animosity towards her in relation to her upcoming solo release. They all said no. At the end of this performance, one of the girls went Diva on everyone and overpowered the song. I guess we know which one lied to Ryan.
-Gap commercial featuring Common
If I had to describe this ad in one word, I'd say "pleasant." Common's smile makes my day.
-Snow Patrol
Here's what I heard when they played: "If I lay here whinyblahblahblah"
-Gwen Stefani
Oh cool she's...yodeling? And all her dancers are wearing haute-couture pajamas. Well alright. I'm starting to miss the Harajuku Girls. Gwen herself is sporting what appears to be a Bedazzled apron, while her platinum blonde hair is styled in a pageboy. It's like Michelle Pfieffer in Scarface meets Alice of the Brady Bunch. She's desperately trying to rap and I wish she would stop. This might be one of the worst songs I have ever heard.
-Jay Z
Like a breath of fresh air. 'JOVE!
-Gavin Rossdale and Chingy present an award
With the short hair, Gavin bears a striking resemblence to Liev Shrieber. But not in a good way. Were the Rossdales' stylists off this week for Thanksgiving or what?
-Flava Flav appears in a Kimmel bit
WTF. That's all I got for my comments on that. Just WTF.
-Paris Hilton
She looks like she aged about 10 years since the last time I saw her. I could probably write a whole blog on her and why I hate her so much, so I'll reserve the bulk of my comments about her as a person for that entry.
-Dave Grohl intro'ing Tenacious D
DaveGrohlDaveGrohlDaveGrohl. LOVE YOUUUU.
-Tenacious D
Yes. Now life is right again. This is where you belong Jack. Alongside Kyle. Not making out with Gwyneth. Not acting with a giant CGI ape. But on stage with Kyle. And apparently the Devil, who just came out of nowhere to try and punch you in the face (?!)
-Nicole Richie
People shouted to her that they loved her. That's a little much.
-Fall Out Boy
I'm not sure, but those look like two roaches on stage with them. That have nothing to do with anything as far as I can see.
-Sean Paul and Katherine McPhee present Rascal Flatts
Katherine's been in the industry, what, a year? She read her lines more naturally than Britney, whose got a ton of TV work and a film behind her. Look at me expecting natural talent to eminate from her. I'll stop that now.
-Rascal Flatts wins
But who cares because they just said Clay Aiken is coming up. And I feel the need to stick around to see what the boy does with his hair.
-Carmen Electra intro'ing Barry Manilow
She wins for best dress. But why is Barry on here? He's singing old songs. Not that I'm fiending for new stuff, but what is the point of this performance? I think I was so hypnotized by Carmen I wasn't even paying attention to what she was saying which probably contained the answers to my questions.
-Clay Aiken w/ Tori Spelling intro'ing John Mayer
So you can sleep tonight: Clay went with a feathered, parted-in-the-middle style.
And thus ends my night with another Awards show that affects my life...not at all.
